Hunter in his BESPOKE CHUCK TAYLORS
"In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity"
Hunter S. Thompson. Not a guy who would wear K Swiss.
We were once asked to find 'cool kids who wore K Swiss'.
We turned the job down.
Back in the day, when they brought out their 'sliders' idea, they were alright. Just. [Although kids took the frippery of being able to slide the sides of their shoes up and down and turned it in to codes and signifiers that meant things like 'I'll fuck anything' and 'I am a drug dealer'. Well done K Swiss].
They're twisted tongues idea wasn't so bad either, but it was fashionable, and therefore - ultimately - temporal. The phase passed, and people moved on. Kids aren't loyal to K Swiss [their dads may be, but kids are not]. Kids are loyal to Nike, to adidas, to Converse... Outside of that, they ironically wear Reebok and Fila... Play football in Umbro... Wonder if they can genuinely get away with wearing Le Coq Sportif... that sort of thing, but K Swiss? Nah mate... Which is why the Californian based brand taking the fucking liberty of aligning themselves with the late, great Hunter S. really, REALLY angers me. To say he doesn't fit the brand is a righteous understatement.
The URL Gonzo World is now owned by K Swiss. They have also put out a magazine using ambassadors more commonly aligned with other brands... The writing, [I'll give 'em this], isn't bad, but to find [and work with] writers who can write like that, who know what they were talking about, I'm surprised these people didn't say 'hang on a minute here K Swiss, I think we're aiming a little above our station here, huh? What about just re-positioning ourselves in a logical way, that makes sense, starting small and working our way up... Surely you're having a fucking laugh trying to stand for the artistic endeavor of Gonzo? We're, um [shuffles from foot to foot]... shit".
But alas, no. No one piped up. No one blinked. The campaign ran on.
K Swiss had found some money and God dammit they were going to spend it. "Lets spend it big John! Lets spend it now John! Who are kids in to at the moment John? Black Lips? Let's use them! Get them hanging out of the back of a white van with K Swiss on yea John? YEAH! What they played a Doc Marten's gig last week John? Ignore that! After all, we're using Tempa T and he's NIKE!! Oh, and about that - Lets get him doing a premier of 'his new skank' John! Yea! Skank! You know, skanking John! Hey, I heard from our writers that kids are watching Tempa T on SBTV John, lets interview them too, we are going to look HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP John!".
So hear this:
You don't look hip, you look uncomfortable, as if you're wearing shit shoes too small for your greedy feet... You look like Alan from the hangover tossing his fringe whilst wearing a man bag... You look like a liar, an idiot, a try-hard, a fool. How dare you do what you have done...
Hunter once said: "Fiction is based on reality unless you're a fairy-tale artist, you have to get your knowledge of life from somewhere... You have to know the material you're writing about before you alter it..."
And so I have one last comment for you Kunt Swiss:
HUNTER USED TO HAVE CONVERSE MADE ESPECIALLY FOR HIM FOR HIS DRUG ADDLED FEET THAT HE ALWAYS WORE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.
He was right, the final sin really is stupidity.
Grrr etc.
Pseudo.
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